Avenue Rent
by PandaFire McMango
Summary: Avenue Q meets RENT! I'm changing Avenue Q songs so that they pertain to RENT fic characters. It's ridiculous...but I LOVE IT. You don't even really need to know Avenue Q to get these, they're just meant to be funny to anyone.
1. Everyone's A Little Bit Fluffy

**A/N: **I am completely to blame for this. It's just an idea...but GOD, it was fun to do! I think I'll try some other Avenue Q songs next...but see what you think of this one!

* * *

Collins: Angel, I love you sooo much.

Angel: No, I love you sooooooo much.

Collins: Be that as it may, I love you more.

Angel: No, I love _you _more.

Collins: Aw, that's so sweet. You're the cutest.

Angel: No, _you're_ the cutest.

Collins: No, YOU are.

Angel: NO, YOU ARE!

Collins: What's happening to us?

Angel: Damn fluff writers! They're screwing with our minds!

Collins: Oh, well…there's nothing we can do…

YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT FLUFFY!

Angel: WELL, YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT TOOOOO!

Collins: I GUESS WE'RE BOTH A LITTLE BIT FLUUUUUUUFFY!

Angel: ADMITTING IT'S A NAUSEATING THING TO DO!

Collins: BUT NOW IT'S TRUE!

Angel: AUTHORS, FUCK YOU!

Both: EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT FLUFFY ALL DAAAAY

THE WRITERS LIKE TO PICK ON US BECAUSE WE ARE GAAA-AA-AAY

WE CAN DEAL WITH MARY SUES

SLASH AND SMUT ARE BOTH OLD NEWS

WE ARE EVEN FINE WITH RANDOM OOOO-OOO-CS

BUT JUST LET THE FLUFF STOP(doodoo-doo-doo-doo) WE'RE BEGGING YOU, PLEASE!

Collins: It's not really the fluff itself…

Angel: No, most fluff is pretty tame.

Collins: It's just the never-ending amount of it! I mean, let us fight and swear a little!

Angel: Exactly!

Both: EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT FLUFFY RIGHT NOOOOOW

WE'RE EVEN STARTING TO MISS CRACK FICS 'BOUT COOO-OOO-OWS

NOTHING RATED T OR M

K+ FICS JUST NEVER END

ONLY LITTLE KIDS WILL READ ABOOO-OO-OUT US

JUST BE MERCIFUL AND (doodoo-doo-doo-doo) LET US CUSS!

Collins: I haven't had a really good swearing session in ages!

Angel: Me neither.

Collins: It's all age-appropriate now, nothing's edgy! Nothing's mature!

Angel: Yeah. The only fics with really good swearing are the slash fics. Man, do I hate them—

Mark:_ What'choo talkin' about, Angel!_

Angel: Erm…

Mark: Only I'M allowed to complain about slash fics! I own the damn category!

Collins: Well, of course you do, you're too single not to. But I bet you have to say, "I love you" to Roger during sex, don't you?

Mark: Of course I do. Sometimes I say it during foreplay too.

Collins: Now don't you think _that's_ a little fluffy?

Mark:…well, damn. I guess you're right!

Angel: YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT FLUFFY!

Mark: WELL, YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT TOOOOOOOO!

Collins: I GUESS WE'RE ALL A LITTLE BIT FLUUUUUFFY!

Mark: THE WRITERS DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO!

Collins, Angel: WE KNOW IT'S TRUE!

Mark: OH YES, YOU DO!

All: EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT FLUFFY INSIIIIIDE

OUR DIGNITY WAS FIRST TO GO AND NOW IT'S OUR PRIII-II-IDE

IF WE ALL COULD JUST ADMIT

THAT WE ARE FLUFFY A LITTLE BIT

AND THERE'S NO WAY TO MAKE THIS TORTURE CE-EEEE-EEEASE

MAYBE WE COULD HAVE A (doodoo-doo-doo-doo) LITTLE PEACE!

Collins: Oh, who are we kidding? We'll never be left in peace.

Angel: They'll just keep hounding us until we snap…like Roger did after all that Mark/Roger fluff.

Mark: But Roger went crazy from Mark/Roger slash, not fluff

Angel: No, I'm pretty sure it was fluff.

Mark: No, it was definitely slash.

Collins: Guys, guys!..._Roger_ is _straight_.

All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Maureen: Hey, everyone. What're you laughing about?

Mark: Sexuality confusion!

Maureen: Oh, been there.

Joanne: Maureen, get your ass back here! You forgot to cover me with hot fudge!

Collins: What's that about?

Maureen: Um…kink-smut.

All Except Maureen: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Maureen: Hey, don't laugh at her! How many smut fics do you have to do?

Angel: Oh, give it a rest, Maureen!

EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT FLUFFY

Maureen: I'm not!

Collins: Oh, no!

Maureen: No!

Collins: Ha!

Maureen: HOW MANY OVERSEXED LOVERS HAVE YOU GOT?

Joanne: What? Maureen!

Angel: MAUREEN, HONEY, WHERE'S YOUR HEAD?

NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU DO IN BED!

Joanne: I KNOW YOU'RE NOT MAKING EXCUSES ON PUUUU-UUR-POSE

BUT FACE THE TRUTH: YOU'RE FLUFFY (doodoo-doo-doo-doo)

STOP MAKING A FUSS!

Maureen: I know that, Pookie! I'm only trying to protect you from my denial!

Joanne: (tsk) And I appreciate it.

Maureen: But…you're fluffy too.

Joanne: Yes…I know.

I'M ALWAYS GIVING FOOT MASSAGES AND OFFERING YOU BACKRUBS

WE SAY "I LOVE YOU" EVERYWHERE, LIKE BROOM CLOSETS AND BATHTUBS!

Collins: Me too!

Angel: Me too!

Mark: I just have sex in broom closets!

All: EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT FLUFFY: SUCH SHAAAAAME

AND YET IT'S COMFORT TO KNOW THE WRITERS ALL ARE TO BLAAAAA-AAA-AME

IF WE ALL COULD JUST ADMIT

THAT WE ARE FLUFFY A LITTLE BIT

BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY NEVER GONNA STOOO-OOO-OOP

MAYBE THEY'D TAKE PITY (doodoo-doo-doo-doo) AND LET IT DROOO- OOOP

Joanne: Everyone's a little bit fluffy (squeal)!


	2. I Wish I Could Go Back To Broadway

**A/N: **This is probably the funnest thing to do in this world. I LOVE IT! Okiedoke, this is a pardoy of "How Do I Get Back To College?" from Avenue Q.

* * *

Mimi: I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO BROADWAY…

LIFE WAS SO SIMPLE THOSE DAYS

Maureen: WHAT WOULD I DO

TO GO BACK AND MOO

IN A THEATER WITH FANGIRLS

AND GAYS

Both: (sigh)

Joanne: I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO BROADWAY

BACK THERE, I HAD MORE THAN ONE SONG

BACK UP ON THE STAGE

I WAS ALL THE RAGE

AND YOU COULDN'T IGNORE ME FOR LOOOOOOOONG

All: HOW DO WE GO BACK TO BROADWAY?

FUCK THE MOVIE, IT'S WRECKING OUR WORLD

Mimi: I WANNA WEAR SPARKLY BLUE PANTS

AND SING MY ASS OFF

AND HUMP POLES TO MAKE MEN'S TOES CURL

WHOOA-WHOOA-WHOOA

Maureen: I WISH I COULD SING ABOUT SEX

Joanne: OR IN "HAPPY NEW YEAR"

Mimi: SWEAR ALL I WANTED

Maureen: CALL FOR WINE AND BEER

All: WE NEED TO SING WITH FIFTEEN PEOPLE ABOUT MINUTES IN YEARS

WE COULD BE

SINGING AT THE NEDERLANDER

GETTING DAPH' AND ADAM ON NEWSWEEK, OH MY

CURSING THE MOVIE AND ALL OF ITS MAKERS

AND PELT THEM WITH BOTTLES WHEN THEY ASK WHHHYYYY

WE WISH WE COULD GO BACK TO BROADWAY

PLEASE GOD, JUST GET US TO BROADWAY

AAA-AAA-AAA-AAH

Maureen: I WISH "CHRISTMAS BELLS" WOULD COME BAA-ACK

Joanne: BUT IF I WERE TO GET BACK TO BROADWAY

Mimi: THEY WOULD SCORN US WITHOUT ANY QUALMS

Both: WE'RE A BLAST FROM THE PAST

BUT FACE IT: THEY'D ASK

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MS. DAWSON AND MS. THO-OOO-OOO- OOOMS?"


	3. The Internet is for Slash

**A/N: **I am just coming up with these thing so quickly...I have truly found my calling. This is "The Internet is for Porn", from Avenue Q.

* * *

Joanne: Hmm. I need to teach those scamps who read fanfics about what the great wide world in the Internet can really offer them…BESIDES fanfiction. I have an idea! I'll sing a song to teach them about the Internet! 

THE INTERNET IS FULL OF COOL NEW STUFF

Mark: FOR SLASH!

Joanne: THERE ARE NEW SITES WITHOUT FIC-SMUT OR -FLUFF

Mark: FOR SLASH!

Joanne: I BUY AND SELL MY CRAP

Mark: FOR SLASH!

Joanne: SO MUCH I NEED A MAP

Mark: FOR SLASH!

Joanne: I EVEN LISTEN TO MUSIC, LIKE ROCK AND RAP

Mark: FOR SLASH!

THE INTERNET IS FOR SLASH

THE INTERNET IS FOR SLASH

SO MUCH, IT MAKES YOUR SYSTEM CRASH!

SLASH, SLASH, SLASH!

Joanne: Mark!

Mark: Oh, hi, Joanne.

Joanne: What the hell are you doing? I'm trying to teach kids about the non-fanfiction related joy of the Internet, and you are interrupting!

Mark: Oh, I'm so sorry!

Joanne: Well, just sit and be quiet, okay?

Mark: Okiedoke.

Joanne: IT'S GREAT TO KNOW WE HAVE THIS LUXURY

Mark: FOR SLASH! (WOOPS, SORRY)

Joanne: I KNOW ALL THE SITES THAT ARE RIGHT FOR ME

Mark: AND SLASH! (HEH, SORRY)

Joanne: THE WEBSITES ALL HAVE ADS

Mark: FOR—

Joanne: EVEN THEY ARE NOT THAT BAD

Mark: …

Joanne: AND THE INTERNET CAN SHOW YOU ALL NEW FADS

Mark: FOR SLASH!

THE INTERNET IS FOR SLASH

THE INTERNET IS FOR SLASH

MARK/ROGER HAS MADE A SPLASH!

SLASH, SLASH, SLASH!

SLASH, SLAAAAASH, SL—

Joanne: Ew, that's disgusting! You're such a single white Jew-boy, Mark.

Mark: Sticks and stones, Jo.

Joanne: No, I mean it. Normal, romantically-involved people don't do slash fics on the Internet.

Mark: Oooooh? You have _no_ idea! Ready, romantically-involved people?

Roger: Ready!

Collins: Ready!

Angel: Ready!

Mark: Lemme hear it!

All: THE INTERNET IS FOR SLASH

THE INTERNET IS FOR SLASH

Mark: ALL THESE BOYS MAKES LOT OF NOISE FOR—

All: SLASH, SLASH, SLASH!

SLAAAAASH, SLAAAAASH, SLAA—

Joanne: Wait a minute!

Everyone Else: What?

Joanne: Now I happen to know for a fact that _you_, Roger, have over 8 pages of Romance fics with Mimi.

Roger: Yup.

Joanne: And _you_, Collins, have so many fluff fics with Angel you need therapy.

Collins: Uh-huh.

Joanne: And _you_, Angel, sleep with Collins on a regular basis, and you're in those fluff fics too!

Angel: Yes, I am.

Joanne: And _you,_ Maureen—wait, what the hell are you doing here?

Maureen: Um…hoping to get in on some hot slash porn?

Joanne: Leave. Just leave.

Maureen: Hrmph.

Joanne: Anyway, you guys all have functional relationships!

Mark: That may be true. But Joanne…what do you think the writers use _me_ for?

Roger: Um…yeah.

Collins: Sadly, true.

Angel: Sorry.

Joanne: EW!

All Men: THE INTERNET IS FOR SLASH

THE INTERNET IS FOR SLASH

THROW THE CANON IN THE TRASH

SLASH, SLASH, SLASH!

SLAAAAASH, SLAAAAAASH…

Mark: THE INTERNET IS FOR, INTERNET IS FOR, INTERNET IS FOR—

Joanne: Aw, screw it.

All: SLASH!


	4. It Sucks To Have RENT Issues

**A/N:** Well, here's another one! This one is sort of weird and complicated and hard to work out, but here it is...in a way. Oh well. It's from "What Do You Do With a BA in English/It Sucks To Be Me" from Avenue Q. Oh...and if you have any requests about songs for me to do, just put it in your review! I'd be glad for input.

* * *

Mark: WHAT DO YOU DO 

WITH A CAMERA AND SCARFY?

I STILL HAVEN'T FIGURED THAT OUT

ELEVEN YEARS GONE BY

AND I CANNOT SEE WHY

THESE PROPS HAVE NOT YET BEEN THROWN OOOUUT

MY CAMERA IS ANCIENT

THEY SAY JUST BE PATIENT

A NEW ONE IS COMING FROM SOOOO-NYYY

BUT THE DAMN SCARF'S THE WORST ONE

THE FANGIRLS, THEY HAVE FUN

TRYING TO STEAL IT FROM MEEEEEE

Roger: Hey, Maureen.

Maureen: Hi, Roger. How's life?

Roger: Annoying. I keep getting mobbed by fangirls.

Maureen: Oh, me too.

Roger: But you don't know the worst of it. It's…well, never mind.

Maureen: What?

Roger: No, you don't want to know.

Maureen: Oh, come on.

Roger: Hmmm…

I DATED APRIL

WE HAD SOME FUN WITH SMACK

AND THEN SHE KILLED HERSE-E-ELF

AFTER STABBING ME IN THE BACK

WITHDRAWAL KILLED

AND I COULDN'T GET OVER THE LACK

OF DRUGS

DAMN HER!

IT SUCKS TO BE CLEAN

IT SUCKS TO BE CLEAN

IT SUCKS TO BE ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW

'CAUSE IT MAKES ME MEAN

IT SUCKS TO BE CLEAN!

Maureen: You think you have a problem? You're nothing compared to me!

I'VE GOT A GIRLFRIEND

SHE'S REALLY GREAT IN BED

SHE UNDERSTANDS MY BITCHINESS

AND IT MEANS NO MORE GIVING HEAD!

SO WHY ARE WE ALWAYS WISHING

THAT THE OTHER WAS DEAD?

WE FIGHT

ALL DAY

IT SUCKS TO BE GAY

IT SUCKS TO BE GAY

IT SUCKS TO BE LESBIANS

WHO HATE EACH OTHER'S GUTS

'CAUSE HEY

IT SUCKS TO BE GAY!

Both: IT SUCKS TO BE ROGER

AND MO

TO NOT HAVE MY DRUGS

TO FIGHT LOTS WITH JO

IT SUCKS TO BE US!

Collins: The fangirls tried to jump me _again! _

Angel: I know, honey, I'm so sorry.

Collins: Make them stop, _make them stop! _

Roger: Hey, Collins, Angel, can you guys help us out?

Angel: Sure.

Collins: Certainly.

Maureen: What sucks most: being gay or an ex-junkie?

Angel: Neither!

I'M REALLY AWESOME

I THINK WE ALL CAN AGREE

Collins: AND I AM JUST AS COOL

WE ARE BOTH SO GREAT, YOU SEE

Both: AND YET WE HAVE TO GROAN AND BITCH

ABOUT TAKING OUR AZT

OH, WE'RE THE GODDAMN PITY PAIRING

Angel: NO ONE CARES 'BOUT WHAT I'M WEARING

Both: WE BOTH HAVE BEEPERS

THEY GO OFF ALL THE TIME

AZT COSTS LOADS OF MONEY

YET KIDS BUY CONDOMS TEN-A-DIME

AND NOW WE'RE SO DEPRESSING

AS WE LOOK FOR ONE MORE RYHME

ACT UP

FIGHT AIDS

IT SUCKS TO HAVE AIDS

Maureen: IT SUCKS TO BE GAY

Roger: IT SUCKS TO BE CLEAN

All: IS THERE ANYBODY WHO CAN KNOW JUST WHAT WE MEAN?

Mimi: What're you guys laughing about?

Maureen: All our problems.

Mimi: You think you have problems? You all have the same problems in and out of the movie and musical! You're the same _goddamn people_ in and out of the movie and musical! But me…oh, no never!

WAY BACK ON BROADWAY

DAPHNE PLAYED MY PART

NOMINATED FOR A TONY

SHE WON NEW YORK CITY'S HEART

BUT THEN ROSARIO JUST HAS TO

BREAK ALL THAT APART

SO NOW

I HAVE TWO IDENTITIES

AND PEOPLE GET THEM MIXED UP

IN ALL THE FANFICS

SO I HAVE MULTI-PERSONALITY DISORDER

AND ROSIE SHRIEKS, BUT DAPHNE'S SHORTER!

IT SUCKS TO BE TWO

IT SUCKS TO BE TWO

IT SUCKS TO BE DAPHNE, ROSIE, MELANIE, ANTONIQUE, TAMYRA, KARMINE, KYRSTEN, JAMIE, MARCY, AND KRYSTAL…

WELL, THAT'S MORE THAN TWO

Mark: Hey, everyone, what's with the party?

Mimi: We're all talking about our issues as characters.

Mark: Well, I have way too many to count, we all know that…but hey, where's Joanne?

Collins: I'll call her. YO, JOANNE!

Joanne: I'm coming, I'm coming!...Where's the fire?

Roger: No fire…but we're wondering what you think is the worst thing about being a RENT character.

Joanne: Whoa, don't get me started!

MY PARENTS BUG ME

MY GIRLFRIEND LOVES TO CHEAT

AND WHEN THE FANGIRLS TRY TO JUMP US

THEY TRAMPLE ME UNDER THEIR FEET

I'M NOT A TOTAL BITCH

BUT NOR AM I SWEET

I'M IGNORED

BUT WHAT CAN I DO?

NOTHING…

All But Joanne: IT SUCKS TO BE YOU

Mimi: You win.

All But Joanne: IT SUCKS TO BE YOU

Maureen: I feel better now.

JOANNE: TRY HAVING ALL YOUR FRIENDS SIGN AUTOGRPAHS

WHEN "wait…who's Joanne?" is _normal_? It just hurts.

All: IT SUCKS TO BE ME

IT SUCKS TO BE YOU

IT SUCKS TO BE US

BUT NOT WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER

WE'RE TOGETHER HERE

IN THE MUSICAL "REEEEEEENT"

WE'RE FROM THE MUSICAL "REEEEEENT"

IT'S HEAVEN-SENT

FAAAAANS GET US ALL UNBENT

BUT WE'RE ALL STILL PEOPLE FROM "RENT"

WE'RE STILL SO AWESOME IN "RENT"

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE US IN "RENT"…

BUT PLEASE GUYS…

HAVE MERCY IN FICS ABOUT "RENT"!


	5. You Can Be As Misinformed As You Want

**A/N**: Well, have fun with this one! It's "You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (When You're Making Love)" from Avenue Q. Have truckloads of fun with it.

* * *

Maureen: Oh my god!

Collins: It's _another_ miswritten smut fic!

Mark and Roger: YAAAAAAAAAY!

Maureen: Not another one! Freakin' twelve year olds, when have they ever had sex? What do they know about it?

Collins: They don't. All their information about the dynamics of sex comes from cursed sources on the Internet.

Maureen: Don't say it…

Collins: Wikipedia, for example.

Maureen: NOOOO!

Mimi: Hey, guys, leave the kids alone. After all, it's their hormones that get satisfied here…

YOU CAN AS MISINFORMED AS YOU WANT

WHEN YOU'RE WRITING SMUUUT

Collins, Maureen: (WHEN YOU'RE WRITING SMUT)

Mimi: YOU CAN BE AS MISINFORMED AS YOU WANT

WHEN YOU'RE WRITING SMUUUUUUT

YOU CAN AS MISINFORMED AS YOU WANT

WHEN YOU'RE WRITING SMUUU-UU-UT

All: YOU CAN AS MISINFORMED AS YOU WANT-TUH…

Maureen: I think I have it worst. None of those kids quite understand lesbian sex, so they just gloss it over and have me and Joanne feel each other up for about an hour. It's boring, I need some real sex!

Collins: You think you have problems? They get gay sex—at least the freakin' physics of it—but then they somehow become convinced that Angel and I are acrobats! Sex is all well and good, but this is not sex, this is some kind motherfucking gymnastics show!

Mimi: Ahem…more than I think I needed to know.

Maureen and Collins: DIE, straight girl.

Mimi: I suffer too, you know! Gay and lesbian sex is hard to figure out, but straight sex…well, let's just say some of our young friends need a lesson in anatomical construction!

YOU MIGHT GET SWEATY AND SCARED ABOUT SPECIFICS, YEAH

AND ADD SOMETHING THAT SHOULD PROB-LY NOT BE THERE

BUT IT'S ALL OKAY, HEY KIDS, 'CAUSE WE GOT YOUR BACK

WHEN IT COMES TO "BELOW UNDERWEAR"

YOU CAN BE AS MISINFORMED AS YOU WANT

WHEN YOU'RE WRITING SMUUUUT

YOU CAN BE AS MISINFORMED AS YOU WANT

WHEN YOU'RE WRITING SMUT, SMUT, SMUT, SMUUUUUT

DON'T ASK WIKIPEDIA TO HELP MAKE IT HOT

WE CAN HAVE ORGASMS ALL ON OUR OWN, THANKS A LOT

BE AS MISINFORMED AS YOU WANT

WHEN YOU'RE WRITING SMUT

DON'T-YOU-WORR-Y

All: MISIN-FORMED AS YOU WAAA-AA-ANT

Maureen: It's fine, no pressure!

Collins: Don't say that, they might believe you!

All: MISIN-FORMED AS YOU WAAA-AA-ANT

Mimi: They get Roger all right, but Mark?

Collins and Maureen: OY VEY!

Mimi: Thought so.

All: MISIN-FORMED AS YOU WAAA-AA-ANT

MISIN-FORMED AS YOU WAAA-AA-ANT

MISIN-FORMED AS YOU WAAA-AA-ANT

Mimi: Go for broke!

MISIN-FORMED AS YOU WAAA-AA-ANT

Collins: They'll just keep going, won't they?

Maureen: 'Spose so.

Mimi: We'll live.

Collins: _You_ might…

All: MISINFORMED AS YOU-

MISINFORMED AS YOU-

MISINFORMED AS YOU-

MISINFORMED AS YOU-'

MISINFORMED AS YOU-

MISINFORMED AS YOU-

MISINFORMED AS YOU-

MISINFORMED AS YOU-WANT!


	6. I'm Never In Any Fics Today

**A/N: **Tiny, itsy-bitsy update...for a challenge, I thought I'd see what I could do with this song. Voila. (Original: "I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today", Avenue Q). And this is a good time to stick in a little credit for my little sister Halie, who's been peeping over my shoulder and hissing stuff to me ever since I started this fic. She gets a big cookie.

* * *

Benny: I'M NEVER IN ANY FICS TODAY

NO, I'M NEVER IN ANY FICS TODAY

NO ONE WILL NOTICE ME

ANGEL/COLLINS, ROGER/MIMI

MOJO, THEY ALL PUSH ME AWAAAAAY

I'M NEVER IN THOSE FUCKING FICS TO-DAAAY!

All: …

Maureen: Go bitch to the Wicked crowd!

Benny: Fuck you…and I will, thanks.


	7. Crazy Fangirls

**A/N: **Damn, this is fun. I love it...sadly, I am running out of songs to parody! But fear not, because Panda has a few tricks up her sleeve (which, incidentally, has ESSIE HEARTS ALBINO PMPKN-HEADS written on it in Sharpie--one of my friends who enjoys doodling on clothing, though sadly not her own, wrote that...not that it isn't true, I do love that vegetable-headed little scamp). I have a few more parody ideas to put into motion...stay tuned! And by the way, I do not support fangirl-bashing! I AM a fangirl, dammit, and freaking proud of it! FANGIRLS FOREVER! (squee salute)

Original for this chappie: "Schadenfreude" from Avenue Q.

* * *

Maureen: WE'VE BEEN ON STAGE ELEVEN YEARS 

IMPRESSIVE, YES, WE KNOW IT

Collins: Hell yeah.

Angel: WE'VE DEALT WITH SHIT, LIKE BAD REVIEWS

AND WORSE, STILL WE DON'T BLOW IT

Roger: No way!

Mimi: BUT IN RECENT TIMES, IT'S PROVED JUST

A LITTLE HARD TO DEAL WITH

OUR—

All: CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS

(FACE IT, SANE ONES ARE THE STUFF OF MYTHS)

Joanne: Yup, it's true. Even the boy-fans turn into fangirls eventually!

Mark: They're so damn hyper…so obsessed…so crazed…and yet, I take joy in their love.

Everyone Else: (gasp)

Mimi: (darkly) They've brainwashed him.

Mark: Oh, c'mon!

THEY'RE OUTSIDE AFTER EVERY SHOW

THEY DRESS UP LIKE US FOR FUUUUUN

THEY SPEND THEIR MONEY BUYING TICKETS

THEY BUY US GIFTS BY THE TOOOOOON

EVEN WHEN THE ACTORS CHANGE, THEY

WELCOME THEM WITHOUT SECOND THOOOO-OUUGHTS

THEY'RE CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS

IN MY HEART, THEY'VE ALL GOT THEIR OWN SPOTS

Collins: A question, if I may—who are you and what have you done with Mark Cohen?

Mark: Stop it, you know you love them!

Roger: Mark, you're talking about giving them freaking places in your freaking heart! Snap out of it!

Joanne: Smack him, that might help.

Maureen: Can I do the honors?

Mark: Wait a minute! Don't you guys understand? These kids love us! They shape their lives around us. They worship us (especially a certain one who lives in Massachusetts and calls herself something to do with pandas and fruit…)! How can you be so against them?

Mimi: Hmmm…lemme think about that.

THEY BUG US ALL FOR DAAAAYS ON END

THEY NEVER JUST GO HO-OME

Collins: THEY JUMP US IF THEY HAVE THE CHANCE

THEY STEAL OUR SOCKS AND CO-OOOOMBS

Roger: MAYBE IF THEY GAVE US SPACE TO

HAVE TIME BY OURSELVES, BUT DO THEY?

All But Mark: LET'S SEE—NO!

THEY'RE CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS

THEY STALK AND FOLLOW US AROUND ALL DAY

Angel: And don't forget—

THEY ALWAYS HOG THE TWO FRONT ROWS

Mimi: THEY SHRIEK AND SHOUT ALL THROUGH THE SHOWS

Roger: THEY CAMP OUTSIDE THE THEATER DOOR

Maureen: WE TRIP ON THEM AND KISS THE FLOOR

Joanne: THEY OBSESS SO MUCH AND NEVER STOP

Collins: THEY SQUEE AND SQUEE UNTIL THEY DROP

Mark: I MUST ADMIT, THEY'RE HARD TO TAKE

BUT COME ON, GUYS, CUT THEM A BREAK!

All: CRAAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS

PSHH-CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS

JEEZ-CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS

UGH-CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS

Mark: THEY ARE ANNOYING, I DON'T DISPUTE

THAT MUCH IS OBVIO-OO-OUS

BUT DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK:

THEIR SHIT JUST MEANS THEY LOVE US?

SOME OF THEM MAY TAKE IT TOO FAR

UNDERSTANDABLY

THEY ARE JUST

All: CRAAAAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS

MAKING THE WORLD A "RENT"- Y PLACE

MAKING THE WORLD A BROADWAY PLACE

MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLAAAAAAACE

TO SQUEEEEEEEEE!

Maureen: G-O-A-N-D-G-E-T-A-L-I-F-E!


	8. There's A Lot of Angst

**A/N:** I've been delaying an update on this for a while, since I wasn't sure what song to do next. Finally I chose this one...and I'm a little iffy about how it turned out. But I hope y'all like it...and if you do, lemme know!

Original: "There's a Fine, Fine Line" from Avenue Q

* * *

Roger: THERE'S A LOT OF ANGST

WHEN YOU WRITE FICS

ABOUT ME

AND THERE'S A LOT OF ANGST

SINCE I'M DEPRESSING

APPARENTLY

MAUREEN'S GOT THE DRAMA

MARK'S GOT SLASH

AND COLLINS/ANGEL CHURNS OUT FLUFF

BUT THERE'S LOT OF ANGST

ABOUT ME

AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH

--

THERE'S A LOT OF ANGST

WHEN FREAKIN' APRIL

HAS TO DIE

AND THERE'S A LOT OF ANGST

WHERE MIMI'S DEATH SCENE

MAKES ME CRY

ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS HAVE ISSUES WITH LIFE

THEY DO NOT LIKE IT MUCH

AND THAT'S WHY I'M SO ANGTSY TODAAAAAAAY

WITH HUGS, CRYING AND SUUUUUUCH

--

HEY, MAYBE I WOULD LIKE A SMALL CHANGE OF PACE

IF THAT'S FINE WITH YOU

I GET MAD AND SAD, NOT GLAD

WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?

IF YOU JUST LET ME SMILE

THEN MAYBE I'D HAVE NEW

CAUSE TO GO ON

WHOA-OA

--

THERE'S A LOT OF ANGST

AND I CAN'T TAKE IT

ANYMORE

SEE, THERE'S A LOT OF ANGST

AND NOW MY POOR TEAR DUCTS

ARE GODDAMN SORE

THE OTHERS HAVE NORMAL LIVES, BUT NO

FOR ME, DYSFUNCTION'S GREEEEAAAAT

THERE'S A LOT OF AAAA-AA-ANGST

BUT I'LL GET YOU ALL BACK

JUST WATCH AA-AND

WAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIT


	9. Gayest Straight Man

AN ACTUAL UPDATE!!!! I can't romise much more, but for now this was fun to do. I reread some of the others and I'm not thrilled with them, but they were fun too, so c'est la vie.

Original: "Special" from Avenue Q.

* * *

Roger: And now, presenting the most sexually confused and misused character of our little group, known for smut, slash, fluff, and every kind of romantic entanglement possible, though never with the same gender twice in a row…MARK COHEN!

Mark: I'M THE WORLD'S GAYEST STRAIGHT MAAAAAAAN

I GOT NO GAURENTEES

(duh-dum)

I'M THE WORLD'S GAYEST STRAIGHT MAAAAAAN

I'LL DO BOTH HE'S AND SHEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEE'S

I JUMP INTO BED WITH MY EX-GIRLFRIEND

THEN I TIE ROGER UP FOR S&M

AND ANGEL AND MIMI AT THE SAME TIIIIIME

AND NOW THE AUTHOR'S TOO CREEPED OUT TO RHYME

Collins: She had a rhyme about Benny's ass, but…

Benny: I…I have no comment. And I never will. Ever. Because after seeing what she wrote I have to go kill myself to get it out of my head.

Mark: YOU DO THAT, BIG BOY.

Benny: _AAAAAGH! It burns! It burns with the white-hot searing pain of Angel/Mark fics! No! No!_

Mark: I'M ALWAYS HAPPY TO EX-PIRIMEEEEENT

AND THREESOMES ARE EASY AS PIE

SO STEP RIGHT UP AND COME PLACE YOUR BEEEEET

DO YOU THINK THAT I'M HOMO, OR COULD I BE HET?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, BUT JUST MAYBE IIIIIIIIIIII

AM BIIIIIIIIIIIII!

I'M BIIIIIIIIIIII!

I TRY

TO FLY

BOTH WAYS

AND I

MIGHT BE SLEEPING WITH EVERYONE BUT IT JUSTGOES TO SHOW THAT

I'M BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!


End file.
